So here I am at uni, with lots of work to do. Naturally, I am using my time to compile lists:

Reasons I dated Steve OR Things I liked about dating buttface:

...I don't remember...?

I guess he had pretty good abs or something? Maybe I was blinded by the headlights of his stupid car and thought he was a dreamboat.

Reasons I finished dating Steve OR Things I did not like about dating buttface:

Having to compete with a car, examples:

Being told off for slamming a car door. It like, ruins the whole turbo/stereo blah blah blah suspension skyline.

Having to put up with psychotic freakouts when the car might be scratched, or bumped, or a speck of dust on it. I swear, I saw tears once. Actual tears!

Getting INTO said car, and being greeted with a comment on the awsomeness of the car car without fail rather than niceties such as, oh I don't know, "Hi".

He was just totally obsessed with his car. I'm sure deep down he had sexual fantasies about it, and probably tried to carry them out once or twice. Freud would say he has issues with his father or something, but I would say he was just a bit of a freak.

Constant and uneccesary lies about stupid and obvious things, especially when under the influence (this is the good bit(!)), example:

(Slurred, eyes half closed:)

"My mum's in the mafia, and I could fuuucking haff those guys fuucking killed! But y' know why I didn't Tegan? D'y'know? Because I looked into theirrrr eyes, and d'y'know who I saw?! I saw youu. So I wawked away. I wawked away."

Being compared to ex girlfriend or other lovers (look me up and down... "You're better looking than the other girl that's been chasing me"). 

The boy was illiterate! Examples from actual text messages:
"I am on my brake"
"Witch cafe?"
"What does subtly mean?"

He never bought my ice-cream! What kind of a guy doesn't buy their date ice-cream?! A tightass, thats's who. Once we went and got thai food, and he put a monetary contribution towards my dinner, and said "Now don't say I never buy you anything". Wow. Absofuckinglute romance central.

Turns out he used to rollerblade. And as the old saying goes:
Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?
Telling your parents you're gay.

Budumm chh.
Honestly though, who knows. Between the obsession with his muscles, the body building magazines scattered around his room, and his unnatural obsession with the rock...? Now I'm not saying he's gay. But the evidence definitely points to something, no?

He was scared of needles. Not that there's anything wrong with this at all, I mean phobias really aren't funny. But because it's Steve, I think it's funny. And all things considered, I feel I am well within my rights to laugh at his, ahem, shortcomings.

He was a buttface

Anyway, life is good. Will update on gigs in my past and future later. Reading Douglas Coupland's Microserfs, really well written and just a great story, courtesy of Joel. Spent the morning in the sun at Sydney Uni now back at my own little Uni nest. X

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
The first line we can put down to pure metaphor. Perhaps the female in question has been on a holiday somewhere. The second line is, however, questionable; we're basically saying that she's managed to turn a planet in our solar system into a liquid, and then carelessly dripped it on her hair. Hmm.

She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
She ACTS like SUMMER? She WALKS like RAIN? ‘Nuff said.

Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Aha, I was right with the first two lines. She WAS on a holiday and it was sort of close to Jupiter, being on the moon an' all, so… fair enough.

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Bit hot, darling.

Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Milky Way is a nice chocolate bar, granted, but if we're talking in an astronomical sense I find it hard to believe that this superwoman has visited the moon, Jupiter AND the Milky Way. I mean, call me old fashioned but it's a helluva long way to walk.

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Did she fall from a shooting star? Who knows. Big drop though, must have hurt if it did occur. Don't even try and contemplate the next line. And the fact that this girl was looking for herself…? Psssh.

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
This is actually quite a nice, poetic line. Fair doos.

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
Yeah, then you go and ruin it with a nonsensical conglomeration of words, prick.

She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey
Time out, people, I think we need to take a stock check. We've got yourself a normal, run-of-the-mill female. Going to the Moon. Greasy hair. Doing exercise in zero-G. Listening to a classical composer. For a start, you wouldn't be able to hear in space due to the vacuum. Aha, got you there.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
She's back? Good to hear. Must have been lonely. It's unlikely she's think of you as Jane because… your name isn't Jane. And you, as lead singer in Train, are a male.

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
My uncle had a phobia of flying. Not something to joke about, it was actually quite counter productive in his line of work.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
This just gets better and better doesn't it? She comes back from the nice quiet and serene place that is outer space into a hostile world where the wind is actually strong enough to sweep her off her feet! I mean, we don't know whether it happened, mind. That's what the fella's asking.

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Oooh, another planet mentioned. Good good, don't want to be discriminative.

Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Yeah that's been done before, mate, repeating yourself ain't gonna make the lyrics any more impressive.

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
even when I know you're wrong
A world without love? There was a film about that, wasn't there? Called… Equilibrium. So yes, I can imagine it, because director Kurt Wimmer made a good job of the movie. And as for a friend supporting someone even when they're wrong? Tugging on the ol' heart strings there, I think not.

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
I can only think of the phone bill after that five hour conversation. I am, however, interested to see how Mr Train managed to get “conversation”, into the song, which, let's face it, doesn't exactly roll off the tongue in a particularly musical fashion, does it?

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And did you fall from a shooting star...
Fall from a shooting star...
And are you lonely by yourself out there...
Run out of lines, bro'? Simply repeat yourself then. I mean, it's bound to be a hit, isn't it?